An unknown eating disorder- orthorexia nervosa

I never put this out officially through my writings but I did in mommacast #39, where I announced I had an eating disorder.
I wrote this in the beginning of realizing my ED and I just came across it and thought it may be able to help a few by sharing.
June 30, 2015
I never in a million years believed i would be in the place I am now.  I have so many emotions running through my head and it’s finally okay.
I know i have a lot to work on and I’m super excited!
I am Lauren-Jean.  I am a certified holistic health coach trained at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition.  As a coach you would think that I have it all together right?
From the outside health coaches appear to have their shit together and all around happy with life…
This could not be more wrong. Coaches are people too and we all have our issues, our problems, our worries. Of course I want to tell you that everything is hunky dory, with sparkles, rainbows, and unicorns… Hard to imagine?
But nope… I am for the first time in my life admitting that  I have an eating disorder called orthorexia nervosa.  This is an eating disorder not well known at all by the general public but is getting more attention in the health coaching industry.
This is an eating disorder that is described as a someone who is obsessed with perfect eating.  I always knew i wanted to eat perfect, or close to it.
It funny that I am thinking this now because before I realized this I knew I had an addictive behavior with so many things.
I had no idea that this existed but it makes so much fucking sense.  I am not perfect and so far from it and I want it to be known. I want to help other women with eating disorders to understand their emotions and get through them in a healthy feel good way.  This is such a hard and time consuming problem because there are so many thoughts running through your head! I know believe me. I feel you and I hear you loud an clear.
This is my journal though the eating disorder and I am sharing it with you so you can really see it, really believe it and really FEEL it.  This shit is real and its scary, exciting,
I will always be honest here… this is my outlet, my place to share, my happy place and scary place all at the same time.
So what can I tell you about orthorexia nervousa?  I can tell you that is has drove me crazy in making me think that I am doing all the right things but in fact it is causing me more stress on my body and possibly causing a complex in my 7 year old daughter.  I have been consumed in eating all the right things and staying away from doctors and medications.  I don’t even know if this is right anymore.  Who the fuck knows.
Yes there are problems in the world such as non-GMO labeling and trans-fats in our foods. Also there are tons of disease causing ingredients in  our everyday food supply but I’m not sure anymore if it is worse that the stress I am causing myself when trying to avoid them 100%. -laurenjean
January 24, 2016
Wow I have come such a long way in a short time. With support, allowing myself to be understood and through NO restrictions whatsoever, I can say I am healed and I do go to doctors now (i have been sick for a over a week) and I allow myself to eat what ever with out the worries of sickness or poisoning.
I have changed my “fitness”, I no longer follow a program or routine.  I enjoy running, yoga at times, and walking. Sometimes I will do a video when my body tells me to.
I have given my daughter the freedom to be a kid and enjoy her treats during birthday parties and just for enjoyment. She has taught herself to back off and only have a “treat” when she is feeling special or in special situations- so she doesn’t go off the deepen in indulging too much
I have opened up opportunities everywhere by allowing myself to feel free and happy but of course still learning and watching my triggers (fitness& label reading).
I hope you enjoyed
xoxo, laurenjean
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