So…here we are again. I left of by saying everything is connected but you may not know it or necessarily understand it all. I get it as I was not putting two and two together not long ago either. So how did I start then?
Well… here I was not more than 4 months ago confused, frustrated, fed-up, tired and on top of all of that and emotional female with crazy cycles that exhausted me to the limit of being depressed. I did not understand what I am about to share with you nor was I looking for it. I was simply trying to understand where my life was headed, wait…nope I just wanted to know what the fuck was going on in my head. I don’t apologize for my cursing so if it doesn’t fly with you, you can choose to not read, I will not be offended.
So here I am graduated from The Institute of Integrative Nutrition as a holistic health coach for almost a year. I had plans of being a coach after the program but not what I intended when I started and certainly not where I am today. I now realize that in order to “coach” you need to have your story to share with the world and it may be years before that actually happens and you put it together… Brings me to today.
I realized I went through the health coaching program because nutrition was a passion of mine and i hoped to increase my knowledge in nutrition. What I came out with was so much more than that. I now focus on mindset more than anything else and rarely do I speak about nutrition and this is because I choose not to, I feel it is “the problem for most people” Nutrition these days creates problems such as fear and constant dieting or “clean eating”. This is an entire other subject i will write about as it a huge part to my story.
During my time at IIN i went through many phases of excitement and disappointment. I could never decided what I wanted to do with this new found information. Having a creative mind can make you absolutely crazy because every time an idea hits you want to act on it. But what about the projects you are already working on? Or the ones you wrote down in your planner to work on next? By the time I had time for them the excitement was gone or I was too exhausted to even think. That led to a mental shutdown. This happened too many times but this time I made a clear choice to give up…for the summer.
This mental shutdown has led me to where I am today, here, now. I decided that in the beginning of the summer I was going to stop posting on all social media. I took the Facebook app off my phone and email as well. Wow what a hard thing to do but 4 months later I have gained so much time, relaxed a ton, had a chance to enjoy life with reading and writing and friends.
Right as I was going through this I was also digging into a new subject…emotions and food and their connection to my life. I decided to look more into this because it was another subject i was highly interested in and I had also come across it during another podcast. Mind Body Musings with Maddy Moon. She is an ex fitness competitor who suffered from orthorexia. I became extremely addicted to her show and soon realized that what I was dealing with myself was orthorexia, but not in the extreme was Maddy was or others were and still are.
During this time I discovered a few things about myself.
- all the “cleansing” and “detoxing” I had been doing for years and years was actually another word for dieting
- I am a very closed off person…I have been shying away from people and have always enjoyed “my time”, too much lately though
- I use food and diet as a way to control the things in my life that i cannot
- I eat when I am not hungry for reasons such as boredom or crazy emotional reasons
- Things that I was once scared to share with others, I now can
- I was desperately trying to be “myself” all the while not knowing that I still craved personal relationships ( i really believed i did not need that part of life that so many people rely on)
So looking at this list has enabled me to better myself and my life. It has given me a new outlook and I can now say I am well on my way to opening up more and more…
So what exactly did I do? I made so many changes in my life, specifically with food and spirituality (not in the most normal way that this world today see it) and I will cover this in another post soon enough.
I taught myself to to listen to my body, I learned to to let myself feel my feelings and deal with them head on instead of eating or working out or anything else to cover up my emotions.. Now this is certainly not even close to being the perfect life and ya know what? It never will be perfect… We will always be searching for something to make us “feel” better.
Feelings are everything in life, they help shape us in so many ways so we need to understand and make connections to make that happen. I want to help you understand yourself by sharing my story and the techniques I used and the ones I still am using help teach myself.
This is the reason I am here. I share with you all that I have learned and experienced.
Through this blog, my instagram and my podcast, which will now be posting here on Sunday mornings and maybe one other day with a fellow health coach. Lots of changes are happening and I am excited to share them with you!
Until next time!